Nas will say, ‘Get me real bonkers like Will Ferrell on cat tranquilizer.’’ You will be referenced in rap songs from Kanye West, to Little Wayne to Drake. ‘What else can you tell me about the future?’įuture person turns to me and says, ‘I can tell you that you will become one of the most famous alumni in this university, mentioned in the same breath as John Wayne, Neil Armstrong and Rob Kardashian.
‘Yes, you did,’ says the person from the future. I then would have asked this person from the future, ‘Does that mean I graduated?’ As a freshman in the fall of 1986, if you were to come up to me and say that in the year 2017 you, Will Ferrell, will be delivering the commencement address for USC, I would have hugged you with tears in my eyes. It is incredibly surreal, one might even say unbelievable, that I get to deliver this address to you. Three, four, five, six, eight, more like 20. If you would care to stand and reveal yourself right now, that would be great, those four students. All of you have excelled in various courses of study. And by every statistical analysis you are collectively considered the strongest class ever to graduate from this university. In fact, it turns out I owe Trump University money for the honor to speak at Trump University. I am still waiting to get paid from Trump University. The institutions to which I have spoken at previously include Bryman School of Nursing, DeVry Technical School, Debbie Dudeson School of Trucking, University of Phoenix, Hollywood DJ Academy and Trump University. He told me I’m a doctor.’ Rest assured, President Nikias, I will use my powers wisely.Īlthough this is my first commencement address I have delivered to an actual university, this is not my first commencement speech. You will hear me say, “Call Max Nikias, President of USC. The next time I’m flying and they ask if there’s a doctor on board, I can now confidently leap to my feet and scream, ‘I’m a doctor, what can I do? Yes, no problem, I can absolutely deliver that baby.’ Hopefully it will be on United Airlines, in which I will be immediately be subdued and dragged off the aircraft, which we all know will be recorded on someone’s iPhone and put on YouTube. So if anyone has a sore tooth that needs to be removed or wants hernia surgery, please meet me at the “surgery center” – by “surgery center” I mean a windowless van I have parked over by the Coliseum.
In fact, I am legally obligated to perform minor surgery at the end of today’s ceremonies, or my doctor’s degree will be revoked. I’ve been informed that I can now perform minimally invasive surgery at any time or any place, even if people don’t want it. ‘Yay, we got the new Xbox, thank you Dad! I mean, Dr. Especially at our children’s various school functions and when opening Christmas presents. I’ve already instructed my wife and my children, from this point on, they have to address me as Dr. I want the university to know that I do not take this prestigious honor lightly. I think my fellow doctorates would agree based on our achievements we are all on equal footing. Running around in Elf tights eating gum off the ground and playing cowbell. Running around in my underwear and racing helmet, thinking that I’m on fire as Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights. Will Ferrell, whose achievements include running naked through the city of Montrose in Old School. And one of the great actors of our time, Academy-Award winning actress Dame Helen Mirren.Īnd then there’s me. David Ho whose work in AIDS research led him to be TIME Magazine’s Man of the Year for 1996. Mark Ridley Thomas, a pillar of local and state government for over 25 years. Gary Michelson, whose innovation as one of the country’s leading orthopedic spinal surgeons has revolutionized this field. I would also like to recognize my esteemed fellow honorary doctorates, Suzanne Dworak-Peck, a great humanitarian and visionary in the field of social work. Today I have also received an honorary doctorate, for which I would like to give my thanks to President Max Nikias. Has he lost weight?’īy the way, that discussion is happening out there right now. Although he’s much better-looking in person. I would also like to apologize to all the parents who are sitting there, saying, ‘Will Ferrell? Why will Ferrell? I hate Will Ferrell. I would like to say thank you, graduates, for that warm welcome. It is such an honor to deliver this year’s commencement address to the University of Southern California’s graduating class of 2017. Will Ferrell delivered the commencement address to the University of Southern California’s graduating class of 2017 on Friday.
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